The Saddest Thing

There are many beautiful things in the world. It differs between different minds. Whether it's the look of joy on a baby's face when they glimpse a parent, the way sunshine transforms the derelict into the chic or whether it's the beauty of ink that flows from a pen transmitting thoughts onto paper.

Yet, at the same time there are some extremely depressing things in this world. Of course, what I say next is just a personal thing and has nothing on war, poverty or cancer; but it's a personal thing.

The saddest thing, for me, in this world is the feeling of remembering what once was.

Allow me to expand.

I am at my saddest when I am reflective. Perhaps that's the mood I am currently in. Nonetheless, when I reflect on those people in my life who once meant so much to me. How once my stories were repeatedly involving their name, my time was always filled with their prescence and my day was not complete without speaking to them.

Whether it's a love interest, a friend or even a sibling: there are memories of certain people in my life who once meant so much to me and centred in such a solid way in my life yet, somehow, now they are just a passing memory in my reflective moods.

There is such a pain in such a once beloved figure becoming a stranger.

A feeling of guilt always fills me. How? How could I have allowed someone, who meant so much to me at one point, fade so quickly from my thickle mind? After all, these are people that I've shared laughter with, cried tears over and even let them inspire me into becoming who I am today. Yet, here I am writing this blog about loss of people to man's greatest enemy: time.

Fair enough, we must all stand the test of time in order to seal a friendship. Additionally, sometimes, if a friendship or any relationship, cannot stand a test of time then maybe we should surrender to fate with that over used phrase: it just wasn't meant to be.

Except, if this is an inevitability then how do I now speak to people at school? Or anywhere for that fact? I know for certain that there are many faces who claim they'll keep in touch but it's just hot air. I can't stop being somebodys friend purely because I "think" they won't speak to me and I'm afraid they'll become a memory.

That is the truth though.

I am afraid.

I find this to be the saddest thing, the worst pain and the hardest part of life.

I am afraid of becoming too close to someone who may become part of my I-used-to-know-this-person-called...-stories.

Mais, c'est la vie.

Sure, there are pains in life. The loss of anyone in any form is a wound which may never truly heal. Yet, through these losses, we also gain. You have to lose in order to know what it feels like to win. There has to be bad in the world, in order to know what is good.

The pain that comes with loss will never become familiar to me- or at least I hope not. However, with each loss I hope there is a lesson there for me to learn. I then pray that the lessons mean that I won't ever have to lose any of the important gains I now make.